Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
