apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
