Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
