I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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