Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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