you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
