Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
