I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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