i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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