Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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