She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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