hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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