New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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