its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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