It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
