I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
