You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
