just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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