I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
