mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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