I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
