i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
