the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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