I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
