in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
