So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
