why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need a beard to bite.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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