laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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