dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this hospital has no fireball
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
