it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
