Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
