ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
