They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
