Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
