my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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