THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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