I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
