end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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