I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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