Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
