At least make sure they are 18
Why
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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