The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
