You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
