all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
