Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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