the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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