they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
