omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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