A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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