Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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