Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
