This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
