It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
