so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
