we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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